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August 20, 2007 / beidson

Bond, Bauer, and Bourne

My wife and I went to see the latest of the Bourne movies, The Bourne Ultimatum. I’m not cinema savvy, so I’m not sure what the “pros” say about this movie, or if another sequal is on the horizon. But we were both on the edge of our seats for the entire movie. It was nonstop action, and we were nonstop excited.

So I have a dilema. Until this movie, Jack Bauer was the man in my life, theatrically speaking. I mean, there was none above him. I had seen the previous two Bourne movies, and liked them very much. But then my wife and I started renting the 24 series, and I quickly fell for Bauer. Such power. Such poise. Such precision. Sure, he’s done a lot of terrible things, but he did it for his country, and for the ones he loved, not counting his heroin use and sexual immorality, which I would write out of the script if I had the choice. But he would sure make a better father than Raymond or Bill Engval.

But now there’s Jason Bourne, a renegade vagabond with apocolyptic moves, who manages to elude the most high tech surveillance in the world, and escapes death in ways that I’m sure astonished even the film editors. I’ve never wanted to do sit ups more in my life than I did watching that movie. I despised every snickers bar and Rock Star that I had ever indulged in, and chastised myself for lacking the motivation to acquire deathly fighting skills. I recalled every instance when I had previously determined to lose 5 pounds of fat and gain 10 pounds of muscle, and hung my head in shame as I sat there holding a half-gallon coke, watching a young man free himself from the bonds of a small army with his bare hands. “Who is this Bourne? Why wasn’t I chosen for some covert government operation, where I would be rigorously trained to handle any mental and physical obstacle that would dare cross my path?”

And what if Bourne and Bauer ever met? I shutter to even think of such an event.

And then there’s James Bond, the pioneer super agent himself. I can’t speak with any authority here because I’ve only seen a few Bond movies, and I’m not a huge fan. So why don’t I just leave him out of the conversation. I only mention him because his initials are “J. B.” as are the other two, he was a rebellious government agent, as are the other two, and he pulls off the impossible, as do Bourne and Bauer. But, to the chagrin of his loyal fans, I’d have to say that Bond would be no match for these two.

So what shall I do? Live with this great tension? Should I tell my son (Lord willing) to be like Bauer or to be like Bourne? Maybe both. I like them both. But for sure, I will tell my son to be like Jesus Christ, the Man who reigns over reality, who will really taken down an army one day by himself, with mere words. He’s had me living on the edge of my seat ever since I met him, and I long for the day when he will cut down my enemy before my eyes and save me from all that has ever kept me from him.

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